Fluffy The CatWhoMustNotBeNamed
by The-Caitiff
Summary: Harry recieves a birthday gift that is by far the most useful thing he ever had. May become a series of one shots not connected by plot.


Disclaimer; I haven't written anything brilliantly stupid in a while so here we go. JKR owns HP.

A/N; More may come, or the may not... We shall see about the continuing adventures of Fluffy.

* * *

It was Harry's sixteenth birthday at privet drive and Harry was a wreck. He had managed to deal with his grief for Sirius early on, but the isolation from everyone he knew and the outright hatred from the Dursleys did not help his already shaky mental health. With Voldemort out of hiding and back in full force, Harry suffered almost nightly visions of death and destruction. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw the flames and heard the screams... He would never forget the screams. 

He had awoken to the sounds of owls tapping on his window and hastened to let them in. He found the usual assortment of cakes and letters, and a few trinkets from friends. The letter that interested him most had come from the Weasley Twins. Their package consisted of a mysterious potion and a collection of cardboard targets with various designs.

* * *

_Dear Harry;  
Happy Birthday mate! We're sorry that the Old Man has cut you off for the summer, but we thought we'd take advantage of him dropping the mail wards for your birthday to help you out. Our real gift to you is the vial of brown potion, but we threw in a few of our latest products too, you'll understand in a minute. The potion is for your wand so don't drink it! Place your wand in a shallow dish and pour the potion over it, when the potion turns blue take it out and wash all traces of the potion off. It will remove the tracking charms from your wand and let you do magic without getting caught. It's highly illegal of course but what kind of brothers would we be if we weren't willing to risk a little trouble. You didn't get it from us, you don't know where it came from, and we'd appreciate it if you destroyed this letter when you were done. _

_Now on to the fun stuff. The targets we sent you are something we came up with after reviewing your DA lessons. Basically you hang them on the wall and try to improve your accuracy. The tricky part is that they are enchanted to move around. You can even direct it with your wand while other people shoot at them. The really cool thing is that no matter what you do to them, all you  
have to do is say a password (just write the password on the back) and it will reassemble itself. Fred transfigured one into a likeness of Snape's head and we've had that flying around the shop for days as stress relief. It's just a pity that we can't make it say pithy insults and be more realistic._

_Our advice is to just kind of casually use your magic where the muggles can see so they know you aren't defenseless anymore, but be careful of the order guards. Our sources tell us that Dung will be outside tonight so you ought to be able to indirectly threaten your oh so loving relatives without fear of the tracking charms being immediately reapplied. The rest of the world  
may have forgotten it, but we remember which side of the door your locks were on in your second year. Give them hell for us! We really don't understand how the Old Man can keep sending you back there, the signs are clear as day especially if he's got the order watching half as close as he claims. Are they blind or just imbeciles? Have fun and don't do anything wewouldnt do.  
Gred and Forge._

* * *

A few hours later, Harry had decided what to do. He transfigured one of the targets into a cute and furry little white kitten which he called "Fluffy." That was also the password to repair the little monster. While the twins were right that they couldn't make the target speak on it's own, Harry cast a ventriloquism and voice changing spell on it and decided it was time that his relatives learned a lesson. 

Harry went down stairs and busied himself in the kitchen. He was louder than usual and even dared to whistle while he worked. His aunt came in and started harassing him almost immediately.

"Boy, what do you think you are doing? You know that we don't have enough food for an ungrateful freak like you to just help himself whenever you want!"

"Shhh..." Harry hissed, "I don't want to wake up Fluffy!" He turned his back on the stove and used his hand behind his back to direct the animated target.

"What are you going on about? I demand you stop this instant!" She shreaked.

The small white cat came out from behind the fridge.

"Oh crap you woke him up." Harry hissed at her.

The tiny kitten spoke in a deep gravelly voice that sounded like it came from the depths of hell itself, "Where's my food? You, slave, get over here and pet me. Bitch, make me some pancakes!"

Petunia screamed and grabbed the frying pan from the stove. She brought the heavy object down on the kitten and was rewarded with a sickening crunch and a pool of blood. Harry paled dramatically.

"Uh-oh, Fluffy's going to be pissed!" He told her.

At the sound of his name, the world's most terrifying furball returned to normal. "So you want to play rough huh? Just for that, waffles with blueberries!"

Petunia smacked it with the frying pan again.

"Oh crap, now he's really going to be angry. Just make him the damn waffles and I'll try to convince Fluffy not to kill us all."

Fluffy got up again, "Slave, why am I not being pampered? And where are my bloody waffles? If I don't see some respect right now I'll kill you both and go next door."

Harry gave his aunt a desperate look and slowly moved over to the cat.

"Yes master, please don't punish me too much."

As Harry was reluctantly petting the demonic cat, Petunia was fearfully making a stack of waffles. The purring sounds coming from Fluffy were enough to keep her well and truly disturbed.

"That's enough waffles. Slave, bring the food, you will feed me as I rest upon your pillow." Harry took the plate of food from his trembling aunt and followed the cat upstairs.

* * *

They were the best waffles Harry had ever eaten.

* * *

For the rest of the summer, Harry would wear his invisibility cloak and follow his possessed minion around giving orders to the Dursely family. Harry would occasionally scream in faux pain from behind his locked bedroom door to keep up the illusion. It was without a doubt the best summer of Harry's life. He was fed enough food, (whenever and whatever he wanted via Fluffy) wasn't asked to do chores, and was left alone on the premise that he was the only thing saving the family from the wrath of The-Cat-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. 


End file.
